CLASSIC REVIEW - CAGED HEAT 3000
Directed by Aaron Osborne, Written by Emile Dupont, Starring Lisa Boyle, Kena Land, Zaneta Polard, Don Yanan and Debra K. Beatty
USA / 1995 / 85 minutes
Oh, Roger Corman, you sugar daddy of all perverts. Look what you've started! A string of women in prison films, each subsequently worse than the previous. By the time we get to the year 3000, we are scraping the resin, and trying to get high by drinking the stagnant, brown bong water. Yes, it's that bad. And it's in space, where no one can hear you beat off.
First off, we're told someone gets out in 2127...and if we do our math and assume that the 3000 in the title is supposed to be the year this is taking place, then we realize there's something not quite right about this movie.
There's a new bitch in town. This bitch done killed one of dem other bitches, and she be goin to a new bitch ward! Ain't that a bitch? These bitches don't like the new bitch cause she done killed dat other bitch! Can we say catfight? Of course they take lots of showers in between shanking and karate choppin' each other, and pay extra special attention to the chest region. Gotta make sure them boobies are clean in bitch prison!
I don't know if it was just me, but I found the acting in this film to be atrocious. Where do they dig these people up, and how do they expect to have a reputable film as the result? Director Aaron Osborne, who is neither related to Ozzy, nor had he been black sheeped, must have left this off his resume. He's gone on to do production design for such winners as "Drive Me Crazy" and "I Am Sam." Aaron, those are some high quality films buddy! But please, do me a favor, and yourself, and go back to working with real retards in cheap soft-core shit like this!
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