Spider-bland
SPIDER-BLAND
Things start quite well and continue that way for about 90 minutes. It’s big, it’s full of character, it’s funny, and most importantly, it contains some incredible action and effects. The plot revolves around a mysterious meteorite goo that acts as a symbiote. Though no one who has a lack of knowledge of the "black suit saga" will be completely baffled by what’s happening here, most will just go with the flow and be filled in by their nerdy friends (hi...I’m Mike). The "suit" gives power, but turns the person into a drained host to that evil power. It changes the person into their darkest side, be it with the host’s desire or without. Enter Peter Parker as a confused, vengeful man with a recent discovery of who actually killed his beloved Uncle Ben. Add the fact that Mary Jane is being a cunt, and that Gwen Stacy (played by the lovely Bryce Dallas Howard) has a crush on him, and it’s enough to make him change his ways. Also, add the fact that his best friend Harry is finally ready to get his revenge on Peter for "killing" his father years ago. The idea of Peter Parker as a dork with empowered confidence is great, espeically when it's obvious that he's still a dork (which is about the only really great Raimi moments we get). It’s all set up quite well, and everything feels like an extension of part two, which is a good thing. Part two was drastically better than the original, though still heavily flawed by pacing and truly wretched dialogue. That bad dialogue is back by the way, but the pacing is no longer an issue. I’ll explain.
After the black suit ultimately consumes Parker with its power, the film spirals into its own web of convolution and mediocrity. I read at one point that midway through the scripting, it was advised or considered that the film could and should be split into two films. It was decided against when nobody could manage to find a nice final act to bridge the two (also add the fact of tricky contract negotiations as the creative team and the actors are officially done with this volume). It’s a shame, because what is set up well ends up crumbling apart.
I’ll bet that word of mouth on this won’t be good, and that this will have a strong opening weekend with a much larger than expected drop in repeat viewers. I only have a desire to see it again to see if I’m being too harsh. The possible "biggest summer ever" has started with a limp dick, and the next big flick, Shrek the Third, ain’t lookin’ good (though I’m sure it’ll rape every parents bank account numerous times). Let’s hope that Pirates gives this season some viagra, and pray that Fox isn’t really stupid enough to think anyone wants to see a PG-13 Die Hard flick.
On a side note, I apologize for the lack of posts lately. Been busy. My Exploitation Proclamation posts WILL continue from time to time, but I really got burned out after film 20 or so. I’m working on another major list that should start by the end of this month, and I promise it won’t disappoint. In the meantime, look for semi-frequent mini-updates and reviews. OH, and keep getting others to read me. The more I feel like people are looking, the more I feel the desire to keep writing.
-M
As I’m writing this at 3+ in the morning, I’m going to likely be incoherent. After I was on a serious high from seeing the hilarity of Knocked Up tonight (which is the funniest comedy I’ll see this year...sorry, Wild Hogs), I had a two hour layover until I caught Spider-man 3 at the IMAX for the magical midnight screening. Midnight shows are usually the best way to see spectacle, and always house the most polite of audiences (I’m looking your way, Harry Potter nerds). The crowds are all there to BE fanboys, and if I could see every film this way I swear to you that I would. I especially enjoy it when the film is overly long and immensely draining (I’m looking your way, Return of the King...and Kong). That’s a joke, by the way. The last thing anyone wants is to walk out of the theater at 4am and wonder if they’re okay to make it home. So, to Spidy’s credit, the film isn’t overly long. It’s a downright brief 140 minutes. In fact, too brief. Cause what made it to the screen here is two films, my friends, which have been curbstomped into one sloppy mess.
Things start quite well and continue that way for about 90 minutes. It’s big, it’s full of character, it’s funny, and most importantly, it contains some incredible action and effects. The plot revolves around a mysterious meteorite goo that acts as a symbiote. Though no one who has a lack of knowledge of the "black suit saga" will be completely baffled by what’s happening here, most will just go with the flow and be filled in by their nerdy friends (hi...I’m Mike). The "suit" gives power, but turns the person into a drained host to that evil power. It changes the person into their darkest side, be it with the host’s desire or without. Enter Peter Parker as a confused, vengeful man with a recent discovery of who actually killed his beloved Uncle Ben. Add the fact that Mary Jane is being a cunt, and that Gwen Stacy (played by the lovely Bryce Dallas Howard) has a crush on him, and it’s enough to make him change his ways. Also, add the fact that his best friend Harry is finally ready to get his revenge on Peter for "killing" his father years ago. The idea of Peter Parker as a dork with empowered confidence is great, espeically when it's obvious that he's still a dork (which is about the only really great Raimi moments we get). It’s all set up quite well, and everything feels like an extension of part two, which is a good thing. Part two was drastically better than the original, though still heavily flawed by pacing and truly wretched dialogue. That bad dialogue is back by the way, but the pacing is no longer an issue. I’ll explain.
After the black suit ultimately consumes Parker with its power, the film spirals into its own web of convolution and mediocrity. I read at one point that midway through the scripting, it was advised or considered that the film could and should be split into two films. It was decided against when nobody could manage to find a nice final act to bridge the two (also add the fact of tricky contract negotiations as the creative team and the actors are officially done with this volume). It’s a shame, because what is set up well ends up crumbling apart.
As to not ruin anything, it should only be said that favorite characters and new villains aren’t given enough time to be developed into a conculsion, and everything is completely rushed. I’m no fan of extremely long films unless the need to be long, and I’m also not of the camp who believes the failure of Grindhouse was due to its length (try marketing, or the fact that it wasn’t built for mainstream consumption, morons). This NEEDED at least another half an hour to even have things MAKE SENSE. Every "oh, come ON" story beat is followed by an equally ridiculous "that’s lame" way to tie up a loose end. It’s almost as if this was edited down and had awful re-shoots done in order to make more money (short running times = more screenings = more money). Oh, and those re-shoots HAPPENED in New York a few months ago. Coincidence? Nuh uh. The final battle is convenient, and teeters between incredible and overwhelming. The effects are mostly awesome, but it all feels just a bit off. Perhaps it’s the build up to said climax. I liked the casting of Topher Grace as Venom (it works in the film version of the character), but once he becomes the actual villain, it’s all too kind to just say it’s a little more than disappointing. The voice doesn’t fit, the size isn't imposing enough, and the need to keep removing Venom’s face to have Brock speak is bound to be one of those "contract negotiations" that we hear so much about when it comes to an actor hiding his face. This would also explain why Peter keeps pulling off the Spidey mask so frequently in every film. Does it bother anyone else that someone with such a secret identity seems to have no problem showing his face so fucking much? Oh sigh, the vanity of ac-TORS.
Once the film reaches its final ending (yep, it has the fake out fade-to-blacks more than once), the ending shot becomes depressing and feels open ended. For all the talk the cast and crew have said about this "wrapping up the story we set out to tell," it sure feels like even THEY knew they hadn’t. It was all talk. Just like Spider-man 3 itself.
I’ll bet that word of mouth on this won’t be good, and that this will have a strong opening weekend with a much larger than expected drop in repeat viewers. I only have a desire to see it again to see if I’m being too harsh. The possible "biggest summer ever" has started with a limp dick, and the next big flick, Shrek the Third, ain’t lookin’ good (though I’m sure it’ll rape every parents bank account numerous times). Let’s hope that Pirates gives this season some viagra, and pray that Fox isn’t really stupid enough to think anyone wants to see a PG-13 Die Hard flick.
On a side note, I apologize for the lack of posts lately. Been busy. My Exploitation Proclamation posts WILL continue from time to time, but I really got burned out after film 20 or so. I’m working on another major list that should start by the end of this month, and I promise it won’t disappoint. In the meantime, look for semi-frequent mini-updates and reviews. OH, and keep getting others to read me. The more I feel like people are looking, the more I feel the desire to keep writing.
-M
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PS: This is Jeff. It thinks I don't know my password. I think it's a whore. We're even.
~Nicci