DARE-AOKE ROUND 5
Jane White is Sick and Twisted - dir. David Michael Latt - 2001 - US
Just one look at the cover for this thing is enough to determine that it’s simply not worth anybody’s time. Colin’s shrugging his shoulders as if to tell you "why bother?" Fortunately for David Michael Latt and company, any piece of shit can find distribution somehow or another. You may recognize his work, actually. You know when something imminently popular is about to be released in theaters, and you’ll wander into the video store to discover something oddly similar to it? Flip it over, and chances are it’ll be from some company called The Asylum. The week Cloverfield was released they gave us something called Monster, I Am Legend produced I Am Omega, and while Transformers rocked theaters you could rock your HOME theater with Transmorphers! The Da Vinci TREASURE! Pirates of TREASURE ISLAND! King OF THE LOST WORLD! There’s gotta be some legal recourse against this shit. It’s absolutely shameless, and as it turns out this fuck has had something to do with many of them. He appears to be a jack of all trades, too, working oon everything from producing to visual effects! It should come as no shock that this is like the worst episode of Get a Life that you never saw. Well, not that you saw Get a Life to begin with. It’s played with about the same subtlety, only without the funny. I know, that’s tough. Jane is a delusional woman who believes that stuff she sees on TV is intertwined with her real life. It honestly doesn’t make a lick of sense, so rationalizing it is out of the question. Oh! Here’s a thought, budding filmmakers: Perhaps if you have a film that looks like it cost about $50, it’s usually best to go without music instead of trying to have it all composed on a keyboard using synth strings. That’ll easily knock your bad movie down a few pegs. The music is UNBEARABLE. Everything about this movie is truly atrocious, actually, and all of the "humor" involving Jane’s obsession with a Jerry Springer type makes it look ancient, especially when your Jerry looks like Roger Ebert. Colin Mockery shows up for a painfully long hooker gag, and Dustin Diamond and Wil Wheeton show up too. You don’t care. A few cast members from Mad TV show up briefly, obviously owing some favor to somebody. It makes their often lame work on that show look like comic gold by comparison. Nothing should EVER make Mad TV look like comic gold. Ever.
-M
Jane White is Sick and Twisted - dir. David Michael Latt - 2001 - US
Just one look at the cover for this thing is enough to determine that it’s simply not worth anybody’s time. Colin’s shrugging his shoulders as if to tell you "why bother?" Fortunately for David Michael Latt and company, any piece of shit can find distribution somehow or another. You may recognize his work, actually. You know when something imminently popular is about to be released in theaters, and you’ll wander into the video store to discover something oddly similar to it? Flip it over, and chances are it’ll be from some company called The Asylum. The week Cloverfield was released they gave us something called Monster, I Am Legend produced I Am Omega, and while Transformers rocked theaters you could rock your HOME theater with Transmorphers! The Da Vinci TREASURE! Pirates of TREASURE ISLAND! King OF THE LOST WORLD! There’s gotta be some legal recourse against this shit. It’s absolutely shameless, and as it turns out this fuck has had something to do with many of them. He appears to be a jack of all trades, too, working oon everything from producing to visual effects! It should come as no shock that this is like the worst episode of Get a Life that you never saw. Well, not that you saw Get a Life to begin with. It’s played with about the same subtlety, only without the funny. I know, that’s tough. Jane is a delusional woman who believes that stuff she sees on TV is intertwined with her real life. It honestly doesn’t make a lick of sense, so rationalizing it is out of the question. Oh! Here’s a thought, budding filmmakers: Perhaps if you have a film that looks like it cost about $50, it’s usually best to go without music instead of trying to have it all composed on a keyboard using synth strings. That’ll easily knock your bad movie down a few pegs. The music is UNBEARABLE. Everything about this movie is truly atrocious, actually, and all of the "humor" involving Jane’s obsession with a Jerry Springer type makes it look ancient, especially when your Jerry looks like Roger Ebert. Colin Mockery shows up for a painfully long hooker gag, and Dustin Diamond and Wil Wheeton show up too. You don’t care. A few cast members from Mad TV show up briefly, obviously owing some favor to somebody. It makes their often lame work on that show look like comic gold by comparison. Nothing should EVER make Mad TV look like comic gold. Ever.
-M
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