DARE-AOKE ROUND 6
Vampire Journals - dir. Ted Nicolaou, 1997, US
"The woman in the car was no vampire...but she reeked of evil."
If there’s one thing I certainly can’t stand, it’s gothic, castle-y vampires. The pasty faces, the long, dark coats, and the British accents -- old fashioned, tacky shit! I feel that the classic lore of monsters from the past should update with the times! Dracula 2000 isn’t a great example of this, but you know what I mean. Bram Stoker’s Dracula is a wonderful read, and I even like Coppola’s take on it, but as far as I’m concerned we can burn Anne Rice at the stake. I shall not miss her 174 volume series nor its future volumes, nor those two shitty movies that came from them. Imagine my pleasure of getting this heap dumped on me! I don’t just have to deal with these bore-hounds, but I have to deal with the journals! Not just one journal, mind you, but multiple journals. Fantastic. Dare-aoke is often a warning for you, the reader, against picking things up. Not that you WOULD pick this up. Sometimes I’d like someone to join my misfortune. Please, rent Guarding Eddy. It’s magical. This, on the other hand, I can safely say was a waste of 80 minutes. I have never been so bored in my life! How many long haired, faggy vampires with names like Ash can I possibly stomach? They stand in dark lit, castle hallways and talk to each other with brooding, soap opera delivery. Then they bite someone. They’re after some mortal girl. This shit is all the same, every time! This is apparently a spin-off of the Subspecies series of films which are likely equally as brooding, hammy, and written by bored housewives. This was probably a fan written project that got picked up at some lame vampire convention! I could see that happening! This entire production was a fan made ordeal! Cause I bet this is what vampire fans would make, given the chance. Hell, I bet this movie has a fan site! Who ARE these people? Glancing at the Netflix reviews for Supspecies 4: Bloodstorm (OOH! That title!), someone makes the bold claim that "Anders Hove is and always will be the scariest, most evil vampire around." Who??? Fuck off!
Here’s a priceless gem of a review of THIS movie, also from Netflix:
'Vampire Journals' is not really a horror film; rather, it's a supernatural gothic melodrama. With tortured self-pitying voiceover narration; deep shades of red against black; indirect lights casting multiple shadows; ...well you get the idea. The main flaw, in my opinion, is not the lack of thrills or shocks, because there is some suspense, and it's certainly a very absorbing film. The main flaw is the characterization, perhaps even the casting and the quality of acting. Everyone seems to over-act; everyone is just too extreme in their characterizations. As a result, the immediate friendship between the two protagonists (the cheerfully-naive American college girl & the morbidly-melancholy Eastern European weirdo) strikes me as improbable, to say the least. Aside from that, it's worth seeing if you're into gothic subgenres. (For a comtemporary gothic set in NYC, w/ believable characters, and a portrayal of vampirism that looks all too realistic, see 'Habit'.)
They gave it four stars.
-M
Vampire Journals - dir. Ted Nicolaou, 1997, US
"The woman in the car was no vampire...but she reeked of evil."
If there’s one thing I certainly can’t stand, it’s gothic, castle-y vampires. The pasty faces, the long, dark coats, and the British accents -- old fashioned, tacky shit! I feel that the classic lore of monsters from the past should update with the times! Dracula 2000 isn’t a great example of this, but you know what I mean. Bram Stoker’s Dracula is a wonderful read, and I even like Coppola’s take on it, but as far as I’m concerned we can burn Anne Rice at the stake. I shall not miss her 174 volume series nor its future volumes, nor those two shitty movies that came from them. Imagine my pleasure of getting this heap dumped on me! I don’t just have to deal with these bore-hounds, but I have to deal with the journals! Not just one journal, mind you, but multiple journals. Fantastic. Dare-aoke is often a warning for you, the reader, against picking things up. Not that you WOULD pick this up. Sometimes I’d like someone to join my misfortune. Please, rent Guarding Eddy. It’s magical. This, on the other hand, I can safely say was a waste of 80 minutes. I have never been so bored in my life! How many long haired, faggy vampires with names like Ash can I possibly stomach? They stand in dark lit, castle hallways and talk to each other with brooding, soap opera delivery. Then they bite someone. They’re after some mortal girl. This shit is all the same, every time! This is apparently a spin-off of the Subspecies series of films which are likely equally as brooding, hammy, and written by bored housewives. This was probably a fan written project that got picked up at some lame vampire convention! I could see that happening! This entire production was a fan made ordeal! Cause I bet this is what vampire fans would make, given the chance. Hell, I bet this movie has a fan site! Who ARE these people? Glancing at the Netflix reviews for Supspecies 4: Bloodstorm (OOH! That title!), someone makes the bold claim that "Anders Hove is and always will be the scariest, most evil vampire around." Who??? Fuck off!
Here’s a priceless gem of a review of THIS movie, also from Netflix:
'Vampire Journals' is not really a horror film; rather, it's a supernatural gothic melodrama. With tortured self-pitying voiceover narration; deep shades of red against black; indirect lights casting multiple shadows; ...well you get the idea. The main flaw, in my opinion, is not the lack of thrills or shocks, because there is some suspense, and it's certainly a very absorbing film. The main flaw is the characterization, perhaps even the casting and the quality of acting. Everyone seems to over-act; everyone is just too extreme in their characterizations. As a result, the immediate friendship between the two protagonists (the cheerfully-naive American college girl & the morbidly-melancholy Eastern European weirdo) strikes me as improbable, to say the least. Aside from that, it's worth seeing if you're into gothic subgenres. (For a comtemporary gothic set in NYC, w/ believable characters, and a portrayal of vampirism that looks all too realistic, see 'Habit'.)
They gave it four stars.
-M
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