DARE-AOKE - BONUS ROUND 1
I was not dared by anyone to watch this. This is a portion that will be of my own doing, as I seem to be a glutton for punishment. I have three awful films ahead of me, and we’ve stopped daring temporarily so as not to make the task any more daunting than it already clearly is. But when your choice is " do I want to watch a movie about raving kids with Shannon Elisabeth, or a movie based on a video game that stars Tara Reid as someone of culture?", you tend to find ways of avoiding the situation. Thus, I discovered this gem that’s likely never rented from our store in ten years. Who knows, perhaps people remember this movie as fondly as Sixteen Candles or Porky’s, more accurately. Not fucking likely, but a possibility nonetheless.
From the opening music montage set to 80's jazzercising beauties, with lyrics that sound far too much like "you’re my tutor, and I’m bi-curious" to be anything else, I knew I had discovered a new favorite. This is a sex comedy with Crispin Glover, folks, and in the first 15 minutes he’s being tortured by a dominatrix in a whorehouse. What IS this? I love it! Glover, sadly, is not the lead, and it falls apart from there. Instead, we’re treated to Matt Lattanzi as our hero. He was Mr. Olivia Newton-John for a few years, and they had an anorexic child together, Chloe Lattanzi, who’s currently showcasing the weirdest voice ever on MTV’s Rock the Cradle. Where was I? Oh yeah, Matt Lattanzi. Matt’s about as stiff as his character’s dick is supposed to be. Of course, a teen sex romp is not to be known for the brilliant acting, character, or story. The main focus is on the zany situations and the tits. Oh, my, the tits. Seriously, we’ve gotten so prude that when we see breasts on screen, we have to make a note of it. Shannon Elisabeth in American Pie would be a good example, I suppose. That felt like a big deal, kinda. You’d fill that notepad up with this movie, as just about every woman in this thing gets nude, and usually without batting an afterthought. Hallelujah. Otherwise, this is unbearable. 80s sex comedies often are, time capsules of T & A and little else in the way of memorable. The whole revolves around the odd male fantasy of hooking up with your hot, 30-year-old French tutor who enjoys skinny dipping at your house late at night. Implausible! This ends with the lead doing a freeze frame heel kick! Come ON!
-M
I was not dared by anyone to watch this. This is a portion that will be of my own doing, as I seem to be a glutton for punishment. I have three awful films ahead of me, and we’ve stopped daring temporarily so as not to make the task any more daunting than it already clearly is. But when your choice is " do I want to watch a movie about raving kids with Shannon Elisabeth, or a movie based on a video game that stars Tara Reid as someone of culture?", you tend to find ways of avoiding the situation. Thus, I discovered this gem that’s likely never rented from our store in ten years. Who knows, perhaps people remember this movie as fondly as Sixteen Candles or Porky’s, more accurately. Not fucking likely, but a possibility nonetheless.
From the opening music montage set to 80's jazzercising beauties, with lyrics that sound far too much like "you’re my tutor, and I’m bi-curious" to be anything else, I knew I had discovered a new favorite. This is a sex comedy with Crispin Glover, folks, and in the first 15 minutes he’s being tortured by a dominatrix in a whorehouse. What IS this? I love it! Glover, sadly, is not the lead, and it falls apart from there. Instead, we’re treated to Matt Lattanzi as our hero. He was Mr. Olivia Newton-John for a few years, and they had an anorexic child together, Chloe Lattanzi, who’s currently showcasing the weirdest voice ever on MTV’s Rock the Cradle. Where was I? Oh yeah, Matt Lattanzi. Matt’s about as stiff as his character’s dick is supposed to be. Of course, a teen sex romp is not to be known for the brilliant acting, character, or story. The main focus is on the zany situations and the tits. Oh, my, the tits. Seriously, we’ve gotten so prude that when we see breasts on screen, we have to make a note of it. Shannon Elisabeth in American Pie would be a good example, I suppose. That felt like a big deal, kinda. You’d fill that notepad up with this movie, as just about every woman in this thing gets nude, and usually without batting an afterthought. Hallelujah. Otherwise, this is unbearable. 80s sex comedies often are, time capsules of T & A and little else in the way of memorable. The whole revolves around the odd male fantasy of hooking up with your hot, 30-year-old French tutor who enjoys skinny dipping at your house late at night. Implausible! This ends with the lead doing a freeze frame heel kick! Come ON!
-M
Comments
I bet this movie would have been better if Olivia Newton-John were actually in it... and if her then-hubby got kidnapped.
-M