I WANT MY MINI REVIEWS: SUMMER LOVIN’ EDITION

 

 As I’m about to start back to my twenty-somethingth semester of college, it officially means that summer is over. Sure, it may still be warm out (at least where I am), but as far as the studios are concerned, the summer ends when the kids can’t see movies all the time. Hence, this weekend has Death Race, The House Bunny, The Rocker, and Hamlet 2 bowing in theaters. Can’t wait to see Hamlet, but its not exactly summer fare, and neither are any of the others. OH! Did you hear??? The Dark Knight is officially the most profitable film of all time! Okay, maybe not, but it sure has made a shitload of cash. It’s sitting at number two on the biggest moneymakers of all time list, right underneath Titanic by a measly hundred million bucks (it’ll never catch that sinking ship, and I'd go as far to say that Cameron himself is the only person capable of topping it. You know how Knight could make that extra chunk? Release an ALL Heath edition of the flick. Like, just his scenes. Throw in all the outtakes too, like Heath screwing up a line then passionately smashing Bale up against the two-way-mirror, just like he did Gyllenhaal in Brokeback, both of them slobbing on each other, followed by an orgasmic eruption of laughter from the crew. I have no proof this exists. Here goes the quips about the rest of the summer.

Step Brothers Y’know, I’ll be damned if Will Ferrell isn’t still just as funny to me today as he was when I was younger. Usually shining stars of my childhood, often the funnymen, don’t age so well with me. Robin Williams and Jim Carrey come to mind. Well, Will isn’t them, and his man-child shtick, done fairly literally here, is about as sharp as its been since something like Old School. Forget the fact that this film doesn’t even feel like its TRYING to have a story, it just hops around from scene to scene with Ferrell and John C. Reilly as two very, very immature people who just happen to have single parents that get hitched. So many wonderful bits, maybe my favorite of which involves a supporting character’s family doing accapella during a car ride, and another reoccuring bit in which Reilly and Ferrell sleepwalk and generally just fuck things up. They have sleepwalking conversations of jibberish. If this doesn’t sound like your thing, I don’t blame you. BUT, as opposed to Talladega’s emphasis on story, this is more akin to Anchorman’s madcap sketch comedy take. That does it for me. Richard Jenkins is the scene stealer here, as Ferrell’s father, who gets so many dirty zingers its hard to keep count. 

The X-Files: I Want To Believe Wait, who asked for this again? OH! Those "legions" of fans who were bummed to watch their beloved show outlive its run by at least three years and turn into a convoluted mess? Was it them? Yeah, cause they didn’t show up to see this movie. Neither did anybody else. Well, I did, and I only did so because Best Buy had scored me a free pass to see it. So last week at 2:45 in the afternoon, I watched it. There was ONE person who clapped when Skinner shows up towards the end. That amused me. Look, this thing has about a fraction of the budget the first film had (and the first film is STILL pretty good), and also has about a fraction of the story that a GOOD episode of the show would get. Seriously, the most outlandish thing you get here is a two-headed dog, and the mysterious and mythical aspect of the "case" at hand is pathetic. Not entirely terrible, but I really couldn’t say why. 

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor And again, who asked for a sequel seven years later to The Mummy Returns? I actually prefer The Mummy Returns to the original, but in no way was I asking for a final chapter to tie things up. With a new director on board, I thought maybe things would have changed a little bit, like ditching that annoying, unfunny sidekick. Unforunately, he’s still there, and so is Brendan Frasier’s hairpiece, and more Indiana Jones-ish set pieces. Also unfortunate is the loss of Rachel Weisz, though it was in her best interest to stay away. Maria Bello steps in as her replacement, and its NOT an even exchange. I like Bello, but this is a TERRIBLE performance. I know she got a paycheck for it, and I’m glad SOMEOENE got SOMETHING out of the situation. Awful effects, a mostly non-existent Jet Li (paycheck again) and Michelle Yeoh (hi, paycheck), and the most ridiculous casting of Frasier’s supposed son, who looks about ten years younger than Frasier does, seals the shitty deal. This son character is wholly unnecessary, and every time we're forced to see him try to have chemisty with his proposed Asian love interest, we go to sleep, or laugh, neither of which are the intended responses. There are actually some scattered moments that work (a race through the streets of China, and an amazing bit with Yeti's) but finding sources of nourishment in a piece of feces is not advised. 

Pineapple Express After word came out that there was a surprise screening of this for internet critics last summer, the response was overwhelmingly positive. The main thing that came across was that net critics were comparing it to this type of 80s throwback action-comedy hybrid, and the title they throw around as the highlight of this era (and that Rogan and Golberg love to reference when speaking about Express) is Midnight Run. I cannot stress enough how much I adore Midnight Run, everyone. A crowning achievement, so much so that I can’t believe how underrated it is still. It’s tremendously written for such a genre piece, and the chemistry between De Niro and Grodin is absolutely prefect. I’ve seen De Niro better, but I’ve never LIKED him as much as I do in Midnight Run. Now, as far as comparing Express to it, there’s just no contest. I see what they were trying to go for, but this just doesn’t stack up with the classic buddy pics of my youth. It is, however, often really funny. Danny McBride is the highlight. I have a feeling that this will hold up better in repeat viewings, but I was a tad underwhelmed. I don’t know if the critics saw a different cut last year or not, but my expectations may have been a tad high in waiting a year after the buzz was built. 

Tropic Thunder On the other hand, this exceeded my expectations. This is a harsh satire, mainly against soulless executives (Tom Cruise, hamming it up as best he can) and the ridiculous actors that populate Hollywood. They’re egomaniacs, coke heads, closeted homosexuals, pandering product placers, insane method-heads, etc. There are some really funny bits in here, even if there are a few dry spots in between, and there’s also a fairly good amount of action with some really nice effects, which was a decent surprise. A few of the best bits arrive ala-Grindhouse as fake trailers for the actor-character’s other films, including Jack Black's Murphey-esque The Fatties: Fart 2, and Downey Jr’s gay priest saga, The Devil’s Alley. Hilarious. This unfortunately cost way too much money for a comedy, and what little mainstream audience it gets shouldn’t be spreading the word too much, as most of this isn’t really for a big audience to begin with. It's Stiller's best stuff since Zoolander, which odddly enough he also directed, but this isn't as easy a sell as that was. It’s a dark, occasionally bloody parody, and that rarely goes over well with big crowds. Should pick up a nice following on DVD this winter. 

The Rocker Sure, it’s not very original. At all. You can see where the story’s going from the very beginning. But it you’re a Rainn Wilson fan, you’ll probably find enough to like here. He does his very best Will Ferrell impression here, and it works fairly well some of the time. The real highlight comes from a really strong supporting cast, including SNL's Jason Sudekis, cutie Emma Stone and the impeccably timed Josh Gad. Singer/songwriter Teddy Geiger gets to sorta act too, and is posed as the main support, but you can tell he’s more just there so the songs would be better. The band Wilson gets kicked out of features Will Arnett, Fred Armisen, and Bradley Cooper (in full on, hilarious Dee Snider-ish garb), which is pretty amusing. I saw this for free (as I often do), and that actually helped this one out, as I wasn’t expecting much to speak of. The studio sure has kicked this one around a bunch, but it’s finally opening TODAY. OMG!! This is not Fox’s summer. 

...and a few earlier releases that I got a chance to see... 

You Don’t Mess With the Zohan Quite unfunny, though I didn’t hate it, and got a few laughs. There are a large amount of cum-shot jokes for a PG-13 film. No complaints here, just thought it was a bit odd. 

Redbelt Chiwetel Ejiofor is easily one of my favorite actors working today, and though his work here is quiet and strong, the film itself is baffling. David Mamet wrote and directed this tale about a down on his luck martial arts instructor...and, well, I don’t really know how to describe the rest of this. It goes in so many different directions, and never quite manages to be an action film, or a drama, or a crime film. This could work, but in this case doesn’t at all. It’s engrossing for about a half hour, and then Tim Allen shows up and isn’t there for comedy, and then it just circles the drain. I still don’t quite know what happens by the end of it. Mamet lost me. He usually does. 

The Babysitters I can tell you that if you’re looking for some cheap thrills, some skin flick, better turn on Cinemax and get the lotion instead of giving this a rent. It’s main goal isn’t to tantalize, but rather to be provocative and occasionally pretty smart. The story, if you weren’t aware, is about a high school senior who inadvertently becomes a madame, by way of sorta seducing the husband of the family she babysits for. Her workers are her classmates. What works best, and is the most odd, is that this isn’t some heavy handed morality fable (which you’d guess it would be), but rather is just a story about people...bad people, maybe, but people who make mistakes and get in over their head, and end up in an uncomfortable spot. There’s a unique LACK of a message to the whole thing, and I found that really refreshing. Give it a shot. 

Finding Amanda Peter Tolan, he of so many great comedy shows, directed this gem with Matthew Broderick in top form as a sleazy TV writer who tries to tackle his own personal addictions by traveling to Vegas to find his niece...who’s become a hooker. Yes, this IS a comedy, and one with a very shaky grip on tone. What could easily turn into Leaving Las Vegas 2 ends up bring really darkly comic stuff, with really good writing, and even when it shifts to a darker place than I would’ve imagined, it still worked for me. Brittany Snow, who hasn’t impressed me in the least in the past, turns in a pitch perfect performance as this girl forced to grow up way too fast and into a world that isn’t pleasant. 

Quid Pro Quo A film that’s more interesting in idea than it is in execution, a sort of hybrid of Cronenberg’s Crash and an aspect of Fight Club, looking at a subculture of people who wish they were handicapped. Seriously. Vera Farmiga is tremendous, but she’s really not enough to make the thing as a whole shine, which suffers from bad pacing and a lot of boringness. Farmiga is so good she makes Nick Stahl look like he’s sleepwalking, too, which doesn’t help. 

Transsiberian Do yourself a favor and have no idea what this is about, just SEE IT. It’s a tense, tight thriller that’s a real slow burner. Once things get rolling, there’s no room left to breathe. I really, really like this feel for a suspenseful thing, one that takes a while to get there and once it does decides to be relentless. Brad Anderson uses his skills in building and maintaining tension (showcased so well in Session 9 and The Machinist) so very effectively. Just see it. It’ll be on DVD in October if it ain’t playin’ by you. 

And there we go. I may add Hamlet and Death Race to the list this weekend after I pay them a visit, and I’m sure you’re DYING to know how they are. 

Those Guilty Pleasures are coming back, I promise, bookmark me and keep checking back. I’m currently in hour ten of the Lord of the Rings films, which I’ve vowed to watch back to back in extended form for about two years now. It’s tremendously draining, and I'm not a nerd, but it's surprisingly cohesive as a whole. I look forward to college giving me shit to do again. -M